Jumping back into the dating pool after a breakup or divorce can be daunting. In the world of dating, there are more than a few things that we should consider when figuring out what type of person we want to be with. Whether or not we should date someone who has kids is one of those considerations.
Depending on where you’re at in your own life, this could be a simple thing to figure out.
I know people who absolutely refuse to date someone who has children. Period. These would be the people who have already raised kids of their own, who are grown up, and have moved out.
Fair enough. I get that.
When you’ve already raised kids of your own, it’s natural to not want to start over. Let alone to be raising kids that aren’t your own.
As great as having children can be (no, I’m not being sarcastic), they can complicate a relationship, regardless of how new (or not so new) it is.
Some people simply don’t ‘take’ to children, and others just don’t see themselves being with someone whose first priority isn’t them.
Think about your own lifestyle when you’re thinking about dating someone who has kids. Children can completely change your life, and your lifestyle. If you like to travel at the drop of a hat, because they’re usually in school, kids will put a stop to that.
If you’re the type of person who likes your space, your time and your money, kids will eat into all of those. Kids come with expenses, they’re not cheap to raise or maintain.
I know women who get offended when someone says “I don’t date people with kids”. But fair’s fair. Not everyone wants kids. It’s not something that you need to be offended by.
For those who’ve already raised their own kids, it’s fair to say that they probably don’t want to spend the next dozen or so years raising kids AGAIN. If this sounds like you, don’t feel guilty.
We all get one life.
What you choose to do with your life, how you maintain your lifestyle, how you spend your money, your time, etc. is entirely up to you. Don’t let anyone try to make you feel guilty for not wanting to date those with children.
We’re all entitled to make what we want to out of our lives. Choosing not to have, or date someone who has kids is just another one of those decisions. Period.
Say so up front.
If you don’t want to date someone who has children, say so up front. Don’t date someone who has children just to pass the time. Don’t wait weeks, or months to tell them that it can’t work because you don’t want kids, or don’t want to raise kids.
When you meet someone who doesn’t want to date someone with kids
Don’t get offended. It’s not about you. Think of it as being something that the other person has decided that they want for their own life.
There are also those who don’t want to deal with your ex-significant other. An ex-husband, wife, fiancé’ or boyfriend usually comes with someone who has kids. Depending on the relationship, this can add stress to a new relationship that many people just don’t want to deal with.
I happen to be one of those people. I can’t stand drama. By the time we get to a certain point in life, everyone has a ‘past’. If that past comes with an ex and kids…that can add drama and stress to a new relationship.
So…should you date someone who has kids? Think about your current lifestyle, and how much it could change. If you’re not happy with those potential changes, I think you have your answer.