So you’ve been dating someone for months, maybe years, and you’ve recently discovered that he doesn’t want to get married.
At least not to you.
On reality tv show “Marrying Millions” Brianna and Bill are a “May-December” couple. She’s 22, and he is 62.
In the most recent episode, the pair has a conversation about getting married and having children.
As you can imagine, being a 22 year old woman, Bri (Brianna) is feeling like she needs to start thinking about starting a family. Fair enough.
But Bill, on the other hand, isn’t having it. I mean, come on…the man is 62 years old, and twice divorced with grown ass kids of his own.
Needless to say, Bri is disappointed to the point of tears at the thought that this man with Whom she’s living, doesn’t want more than they already have.
Why would anyone want to start a family at 62? Especially when they’ve done it before?
Well Bill, that’s what you get when you date a woman who’s 40 years younger than you are.
The solution to this conundrum is super simple. But for the sake of this post, I’ll explain it in more depth.
If you’ve spent months with someone who says that they don’t want to get married, that might not be enough time for you to properly decide that you should ditch the relationship.
If, on the other hand you’ve spent 2…maybe 3 or more years with this person, and they still can’t commit to anything more than what you have now, I’d be looking for the exit. You should be too.
The problem with being with someone who can’t see themselves in a deeper commitment than “boyfriend/girlfriend” after 3 years, is that three years is more than enough time to know what they want.
It could be that they actually DO know what they want, and marriage just isn’t it. Regardless of who the other person is.
In this case, if what you want is marriage, you’re wasting your time. As hard as it’s probably going to be, you need to cut your losses and move on.
Think of it this way, let’s say that you’re in your early 30’s when you discover that your ‘other half’ doesn’t want to be married. You convince yourself that you can change their mind, so you spend the next 5 to 10 years trying to do just that. Your efforts and energy are completely wasted.
So now you’re ten years older, unmarried, no children and your other half hasn’t budged.
When you first started the discussion you were in your early 30’s. You spent the last 10 or so years thinking that this person would definitely change their mind, and now you’re in your early 40’s.
Is it too late to have children now?
I know so many people who will spend years trying to ‘convince’ the person that they’ve been in a relationship with that they should want to get married.
Why would you waste your time convincing someone that they want to be married to you?
I can’t think of a worse way to spend your energy.
If you’re one of those people who wants to be married, because you want to start a family and you’re with someone who doesn’t want that, move on.
Cut them loose before kids come along and complicate the issue even more.
Go find someone who wants the same things that you do. Will it be difficult to end your current relationship?
Maybe. Maybe not.
Will you miss that person?
But you’ll get over it. Particularly when you find someone who wants exactly the same things that you do.