I’m Attracted to Someone Who’s Not Physically Attractive

I had coffee recently with a friend, and we got into a conversation about her dating life. She told me that she ‘kind of’ likes this guy, but she has some reservations.

Digging deeper, she admitted that she loves spending time with this man, but she’s somewhat apprehensive about his physical appearance.

My first thought was that maybe he was just unkempt, maybe had an issue with deodorant (I was grasping). Then she told me that he’s not the kind of guy that she ‘typically dates’.

I know her taste. I know what type of guy she “typically dates”.

I love my friend. But she has a tendency to go for the buff, hot dude that every other woman is going for.

So her apprehension with this dude made me even more curious.

She went on to tell me that this dude isn’t what we might call “fat” but he is on the heavier side of things. She also said that even though he’s ‘chubby’, he does dress in a way that most would call ‘trendy’, even for someone his size.

In addition, she said that this guy would actually be good looking, if he was say…50 lbs lighter.

So I asked her, “What’s he like as a person? I mean, is he a nice guy? How does he make you feel when you hang out?”

And in her answer, I understood what her problem was.

She said “he’s probably one of the sweetest guys I’ve ever met. I think that’s why I’m attracted to him”. Then she continued with, “but because he’s not ‘good looking’, I don’t know that I’d be comfortable introducing him to my friends and family”.


This is a no-brainer. How many of us have been attracted someone’s inside, more than we are to their exterior?

The fact that they were friends before moving into a ‘sort of’ dating vibe, gave them both the opportunity to see what they’re each really about. He was obviously into her, inside and out, but she wasn’t feeling the same way. 

I hate to break it to you, but realistically speaking, because men tend to be more attracted to physical appearance, if the shoe was on the other foot he probably wouldn’t give her the time of day. 

I’ve been in that boat. We’ve all been approached at one point or another by someone that we aren’t physically attracted to. It’s just a part of ‘the game’. 

We’re all attracted to what we’re attracted to. We’re entitled to that. 

You’re entitled to date, marry, whatever, someone that you’re physically attracted to, as well as mentally, emotionally, etc. Why is it okay to be attracted to someone mentally, but be looked down on, or called ‘shallow’ because you want to be physically attracted to that person as well?

So to my friend I say, if you’re not physically attracted to this guy, if it’s going to cause a problem in your relationship, cut him loose now. You’re not doing yourself OR him any favors by staying with him because he’s “such a nice guy”. 

Why is it okay for men to date women that they’re physically attracted to someone, but not okay for women to do the same? 

We all want to be with someone that we’re physically attracted to. Period. That’s not to say that ‘physicality’ is the only yard stick. There should be more to your ‘significant other’ than just a pretty face and body. Or you’ll quickly get bored and want out. 

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