How to Rebuild Your Self Esteem After a Break-Up, Separation or Divorce

When a breakup, separation or divorce process starts, you’re probably going to find that your self-esteem is in the toilet. Rebuilding that self-esteem is crucial to successfully moving on after the relationship is over.

Moving on successfully means that you’re okay NOT being in a relationship with your ex anymore. Or with anyone for that matter. Moving on means that you’re just fine figuring out who  you are, and  what you want next. It can take months or even years to get there, and it’s a lot of work. Some people can take it really hard and the shock of a breakup for some people can be devastating. But now you need to focus on the positive things, and learn how to appreciate what you DO have. You’ll feel much better about your life when you learn to think positively.

Don’t beat yourself up. Shit happens.

It’s not your fault, it’s not anyone’s fault (even if it was someone’s fault). You might have just had a bad relationship. It’s so hard to tell what a relationship will be like until after you get right into it.

Don’t focus on the past, on the “might have been’s”  or “maybe I should’ve…”. Set your brain only on the future. Figure out what you  want to do for YOU.  Whether it’s working out more, or starting a new business, give yourself something new to think about, and take your mind off of your relationship (or lack thereof).

You’ll want to replace any thoughts of doubt by telling yourself that everything will be okay. Because everything really WILL BE okay.

Learn to use positive words to describe yourself like smart, beautiful, ambitious, and so on. How you think of yourself can effect your life in crazy ways. They say that you should “be careful what you think of yourself, because your subconscious mind actually believes it”, and I happen to think that’s absolutely true.

To think positively, you need to think of things to encourage yourself. Use self-esteem building activities like talking to yourself in a mirror. Tell your reflection how you feel about yourself in a positive way. Make encouraging statements, and you’ll actually begin to feel better about yourself.

The next step to rebuilding your self esteem after a breakup, separation or divorce is to just “let go”. You need to put the past in the past and leave it there. Start thinking about ways that you can improve the way you feel about yourself.

One of the best ways to start letting go of the past, is to get dressed up and go out. Go mingle with other humans! Get out of the “breakup headspace” and socialize!

If you can go out by yourself and maybe have dinner, you’ll start to feel a little stronger. If you feel extremely uncomfortable however, ask yourself why, and then tell yourself some encouraging statements so that you feel better about the situation, and accept being alone or single. No one will stare at you, no one will notice you, and at the end of the meal you’ll feel much better.

You also want to let go of any goal or feeling like you need to be perfect.

This will let you lighten up about the entire situation. No one’s perfect, but making yourself try to be will only make things worse.

You need to understand that you’re not perfect, but you’re perfectly fine with who you are.

You might need to make changes to stand on your own. Decide what you need to do to find yourself again, and then reach out. Your level of confidence will rise.

Also…as a card-carrying introvert, I’m going to suggest that you try not to isolate yourself too much.You need to be around people in order NOT to let your self-esteem disappear. For some people, it can be soothing to be around friends after a breakup. If you don’t happen to be one of those people, some solitary time can be just what the doctor ordered.

Doing exactly what you feel like doing, to improve your sense of self should be the key to finding yourself, and moving on after a breakup, separation or divorce.


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