Have you ever been trudging through the divorce process, and thought to yourself, “I’m about done with this. I want out.”
I got to that point somewhere around my 3rd visit to the courthouse. Those of you who’ve gone through the divorce process are well aware of the painfully slow pace with which anything happens in court. Every ‘visit’ solves absolutely nothing. I couldn’t believe that I’d been made to spend half a day waiting for absolutely nothing to happen. And I mean that literally. I often walked out of the courtroom asking my lawyer, “that’s it?” For a process that’s so involved with taking up other people’s time, you’d think that it would advance at a much quicker pace. I found it sickening.
Back in 2006, the child support guideline in Canada got an increase of 15% across the board. You’d think that this increase would automatically be implemented to those who were already paying support, but NOOOO. We had to (you guessed it), go back to court and apply for the increase. So, I went to court and filed the paperwork. Of course (big surprise), my ex balked at a 15% increase to an amount that was already well below what he should have been paying anyway. But I digress.
One day, on another uneventful, 3+ hour “visit” to the courthouse, my usual comment to my lawyer (“that’s it?”) brought a different response. She said, “Nothing happens in court unless you both agree, even if it IS a governmental increase to the guideline. So if he doesn’t agree to it, we could do this forever.” My jaw was on the ground. THAT is when I decided that it was time. I’d had it. The very thought of walking into that gawd awful courthouse one more time, literally made my stomach sick. It was causing too much anxiety and stress. My hair was falling out. I couldn’t eat. I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t take it anymore. So I said, “If the money is that important to him, make sure someone lets his family know that they should put it in his casket when they bury him, because I can’t do this shit anymore.”
I’ve never been back to that courthouse. The ex is still paying what he was paying before the increase for the one child that I have left at home. I got to the point where I didn’t care anymore. I knew that I’d rather make my own money, than indulge his need to control me financially by dragging me back into court over every fucking nickel. That was where my divorce determined who I would become, and how I would make the money that I needed to support the three beautiful children that God gave me.
The second that I decided “Enough”, I felt a huge weight leave my body. I gained a sense of control that I didn’t have when I was running to and from court on an almost monthly basis.
Once you decide where / when you need to draw that line, do it. Believe me, the feeling of freedom that it gives you is unmatched. Only you can decide what’s more important, your sanity, or ‘winning’. I’d say that keeping your sanityIS winning. Wouldn’t you agree?